EMDR Certified
EFT Trained
Couple's Counseling
For the first time in history, we have been able to gather and synthesize empirical evidence to craft a reliable map for what makes relationships work. This research dubbed “attachment theory” suggests that everyone has the same basic emotional/social/physical needs within romantic relationships. They include to feel seen and heard, to feel appreciated, to feel valuable, to be seen as competent, to feel physically and emotionally safe and secure, and more.
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Relationships are tricky because individuals prioritize each of these needs differently, express them through different behaviors, evaluate if their partner is willing to meet them in different ways and respond differently when they feel that are not met. To make matters more complex, it is often the case that one or both partners are not consciously aware of some or all of their unmet attachment needs, but “act out” accordingly nonetheless.
These inherent differences can make it difficult for both partners to understand the attachment needs expressed by one another’s behavior which leads to all the “symptoms” of relationship problems such as seemingly unresolvable conflict, infidelity, emotional distancing, angry outbursts/criticism, dishonesty, domestic violence, differences in readiness for commitment, feeling physically or psychological unsafe, manipulative behavior, and feelings of loneliness.
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Through our work together, I hope to collaborate with couples to gain insight into their unmet attachment needs, the understandable but often ineffective ways they try to meet them, and the resulting relational patterns which lead to the couple being stuck. My approach borrows from EFCT (Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy) which is currently considered the most effective form of couples therapy available.