The traditional definition of masculinity and “what it means to be a man” emphasizes external accomplishment. This can mean being educated, athletic, sexually and relationally desirable, wealthy, heterosexual, and a myriad of other qualities. It also means presenting to the world as stoic- allowing oneself to experience and express as few negative emotions as possible or else risking being perceived as “weak”. Anger, pride and joy should dominate male emotional experience. There is also a strong emphasis on problem solving and accomplishing tasks. This cocktail of character traits and worldviews can be very helpful when it comes to external achievement, accumulating power, or otherwise achieving concrete and task-oriented goals. Unfortunately, it often backfires and creates more problems when we take this approach to the more nebulous and uncertain internal world, and in relationship with others. This can often leave men with lots of external success, while feeling internal turmoil or impoverishment.

 

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