5 Mental Health Myths

1. Having “good” mental health is characterized by feeling “happy”- the absence of unpleasant emotions and experiences.

We live in a culture which perpetuates pleasant feelings. Everywhere we look, from social media to advertisements, to our friends and family, we only see people who appear to be happy, easy going and feeling good. We are raised to believe that we should aim to experience as many uplifting, happy emotions as possible and to minimize unpleasant emotions. We logically conclude that the goal of mental health practices is to improve the number of positive emotions and experiences we have.

This is not true.

We all experience anger, sadness, grief, shame, envy etc. on a daily basis. During “happier” periods of our lives, it is in relatively small doses. At other times, we may experience them more intensely and more frequently. It’s from these emotions and experiences that we learn about ourselves. They clarify our values, our needs and our beliefs. They also motivate us to create positive change in our lives. We cannot access joy, connection, creativity, love, meaning and freedom without first allowing the darker, less pleasant emotions in.

More importantly, quality of life does not increase substantially by feeling good all the time. If that’s all we needed, we would all benefit from improved mental health with a daily dose of heroin or cocaine. Life is made meaningful by the endless journey of uncovering and eventually embodying our authentic selves, finding meaning beyond our own existence, finding purpose. Doing so necessitates allowing ourselves to experience meaninglessness, despair, grief, and hopelessness first. They are two sides of the same coin. The darker emotions are tools and fuel for meaning making.

So if an excess of unpleasant emotions isn’t what causes mental health issues, then what is? Mental health typically declines when there is a block in the process of experiencing. It’s a feeling of emptiness and meaninglessness which occurs when we are unable or unwilling to allow ourselves to feel the grief, sadness, shame etc. underneath it. There are many ways and reasons why we might experience this “block” in processing. They can come from many sources. Most often from childhood and other past significant life experiences such as relationships. For example, many of us struggle with allowing ourselves to experience or tolerate some emotions because we learn from childhood that they are “bad”.

It’s important to mention that there is more nuance to mental health difficulties. There are many other circumstances or situations which might cause a decline in mental health other than a block in our processing. It’s particularly important to acknowledge that those who are unable to meet their basic needs such as food, water, shelter or safety will struggle with mental health no matter how open they are to their own emotions and experiences. There are also many additional situations which can cause difficulty with mental health which are beyond the scope of this article.

The larger point that I am trying to convey is that human beings have the natural capacity to heal from, digest and use unpleasant emotions as fuel for positive outcomes. They will not cause long-term harm if this process is able to unfold. Therefore, unpleasant emotions in of themselves are not the cause of mental health struggles.

2. People who struggle with mental health are also unsuccessful, unlikable or otherwise do not fit the socially prescribed idea of “having one’s life together”

There is a wide variance in the external presentation and lives of those who struggle with mental health. Some of the most successful, charming and even revered individuals in the world struggle with mental health. Case in point, most celebrities, actors, CEO’s and elected officials struggle with mental health for at least part of their lives.

Statistically speaking, one in five people meet criteria for a mental health disorder. And there are many more who go undiagnosed or who have challenges with mental health which don’t fit neatly into any particular diagnosis. It’s very likely that each of us has at least one if not multiple friends who struggle with mental health behind closed doors.

More importantly, mental health is on a spectrum. Mental health is not black and white, that is to say- is not the case that we are either “of good mental health” or “mentally ill”. Rather, it is in shades of gray, and it’s also very dynamic- our mental health is always changing.

Everyone will probably experience anxiety or depression at multiple times in their lives. We all have some addictions (e.g. compulsive binge-watching Netflix, scrolling on Instagram, or coffee), everyone has moments in which past traumas influence the present (e.g. social anxiety). We even have some delusions (e.g. when you hear a creaking sound or a small noise at night when you know there is nothing there).

3. Mental health disorders are an indicator that the mind is functioning incorrectly and needs to be “fixed”.

Much like #2, this is another tool for stigmatizing mental health and framing those who struggle with mental health as “different” than others. Broadly speaking, we develop most symptoms of mental health as a result of successful coping strategies used at a different time in one’s life (usually in childhood) which have become maladaptive in the present.

For an example, perfectionism can be a great tool for a child to get approval from hypercritical parents. If a parent is critical, contemptuous or otherwise approves of their child only under the condition that they perform well in academics, sports or some other endeavor, children will often learn to base their own self-worth on their external performance. If this continues long enough, the perfectionism becomes an internalized “unreasonably high standard for success” which is applied to all areas of life. Keep in mind that a “hypercritical” parent is not necessarily abusive or otherwise coming from a place of malice. In fact, they are often very well meaning and well within the social “norms” for parenting. This is part of the reason perfectionism is so common.

The child needed to do this in order to survive. The need for love and connection to an attachment figure (i.e. a parent) takes precedence over all other psychological needs- especially to a child. When that is threatened or perceived to be threatened, a child will do whatever is necessary to preserve it. Thus, the perfectionism was actually a very successful coping strategy! The problem is that our nervous system does not recognize that we are adults now, and that we no longer need it. Thus, it compels us to continue the practice of perfectionism long after it has become more harmful than helpful.

This is true of all of our supposed "symptoms of mental illness". Perfectionism is only one example of a “defense mechanism” learned in childhood which causes troubles in the present. There are many, many more, and they can look very different from person to person. The bigger takeaway here is that mental health is not because the mind is functioning incorrectly. Rather, mental illness is usually caused by less-than-ideal environments for psychological development, which the person learned to cope with via behaviors, beliefs, ideologies and values which are required to survive that context, but do not serve them in the long-term.

The question we must ask is not “what’s wrong with them” but rather, “what happened to them” and “how did the currently dysfunctional behaviors serve them in the past”. This is a much more compassionate and informative perspective of mental illness.

4. Mental health can be improved by “being positive” or “a change of perspective”

I have been hearing a term called “toxic positivity” being thrown around lately. Toxic positivity is the idea that we often dismiss, minimize, or fail to acknowledge experiences and emotions. It is the insistence that anytime we experience unpleasant emotions, we should instantly “change our outlook”, “see the glass as half full” or “be positive because negativity won’t help”. There is a grain of truth to the perspectives of those who embody “toxic positivity”. Namely, that our psychological experience is strongly influenced by how we perceive the situations in our lives, and not so much by the circumstances themselves. Therefore, it is important to check in on the meaning we make of the situations in our lives and the lens through which we view them.

However, toxic positivity also comes with a variety of problems including dismissal of problems which require more serious intervention and a larger investment of time than just “a change in perspective”. It takes problems which are big or else, feel subjectively important to the other person, and frames the solution as a simple tweak in mindset or worse- shames them for being deficient in their ability to “be positive”. Moreover, it is yet another way to dismiss the valuable unpleasant emotions and the messages they carry (see #1 and #5 in this article).

5. Mental Health is changed by “improving one’s self” or “changing aspects of one’s personality”

Another common misconception is that mental health is improved by changing who we are. In order to improve mental health, we must move away from our remove parts of ourselves. This is a half-truth. It is true that ultimately, improvements in mental health can result in changes in personality, lifestyle, values, beliefs and identity. And often times, that is the end goal. However, it is troublesome when we assume that this is done by rejecting or pushing away the parts of ourselves which cause us trouble.

A common example of this is when we say to someone (or ourselves) “stop overthinking” or “You can’t be mad about x because y”. This would be helpful advice if it can be executed. The problem is that people don’t learn to stop getting mad or overthinking by being told not to do it. In fact, that type of pressure often leads to intensifying of the behavior.

All of our emotions are adaptive messengers regarding the state of our needs. Therefore, improving mental health is not about “removing” or “taking away” certain emotions, experiences or “symptoms”. Rather, it’s about exploring and understanding the unmet needs behind them.

Moreover, mental health struggles are usually as a result of some form of disconnection to ourselves, internalized shame or rejection of one’s self. Therefore, further rejection or dismissal of our own experience will not serve us. Positive long-term changes in mental health result from further acceptance of and compassion of our experience. If mental health struggles are caused by disconnection from ourselves, shame or rejection of one’s self, then finding compassion for ourselves making space for ALL parts of ourselves (even the ones we would like to change) will create improvements.

Warmly,

Simeon Simov